What If

So much is made of chance. A butterfly’s wing so slightly moves the air and the end result is a hurricane in Mexico. A one in 10 million chance on a lottery ticket wins big and lives are forever changed. That is not Kathy Dunn. There is no accident of fate that confirms her worth or the difference her life has made

Kathy’s contribution is not a result of chance or circumstance, luck or happenstance. She has left, day by day, a signature of quality on everything she does. Her fingerprints permeate the pages of all the stories of all the people she has known. Her thread is in every tapestry her friends hang, and her note is in every song we sing. Kathy’s life is like an enzyme –she allows so much else to happen. Kathy’s difference is best explained by some crucial forces of nature.

Let’s begin with gravity and light. Einstein said the two prevalent forces in the universe are light (speed of) and gravity. It is gravity that keeps things in place. Gravity holds the planets in their orbits and the universe in order. Of course the planets think they are whirling and spinning their way madly though the cosmos on their own terms; but no, it is gravity that creates the order and structure that allows time and circumstance to form their meaning. Light, the most mysterious of all substances (Kathy too is mysterious) provides/creates life as we know it. Though light neither has weight nor occupies space, it bends to gravity and carries heat that sustains life.

Here’s the point. Kathy has kept untold and uncalculated things in motion and in place. Kathy gives life, is life, to almost all she shines upon. What if Kathy had never lived? How would the world be different? Here’s the existential “What If?” written for Kathy Dunn.

Loreta and David would live different and sadder lives; maybe not even be alive. K gives them their most vital portal to the world, the most compelling reasons to connect to life. She is the one who is there for them.
Let’s assume that Z and Matt miraculously exist in the great “What If” but their constant, 24/7, defender of the faith, keeper of the meaning; wellspring of consistent, clean, flowing love; champion; Mother Superior; and fan club president, however, is gone. The boys perhaps would have found other, lesser suns around which to orbit. Less light, less heat, fewer bits of structure on which to hang dreams or rest broken hearts/spirits/expectations-- who can say what affect this, would have? It sure seems barren, cold and distant, lacking life -- feels like a frozen Pluto, not even a planet now, that circles, wobbling and uncertain, around a distant star. This imagined planet is so unlike earth; no atmosphere, no water, no light. That is what Kathy means. Zach and Matt without Kathy’s light heat and structure are distant planets, cold and less alive, perhpas.

The work: The Jewell Fine Arts Program, Folly Theater, Young Audiences, Missouri Repertory theater, UMKC Law School, UMKC Office of Advancement, countless charities, Heartland Men’s Chorus, foundation consulting, sister research, and on and on and on: so much has been done so right. Never a glitch at the gala; the seat was found at every concert, the call returned (always), the pledge drive exceeds expectations and a new direction is taken; the gala is revived and the stage is set for a new era, the Trustee Board hands over its money as the plan was ordained, and the vote is unanimous. The $200 million is raised, the series is a success, countless artists are treated with respect and dignity, friends are inspired to do and give more to causes. An entire community of fundraising and advancement begins to circle her sun, draw from her light, and experience the gravity of dedication, excellence, ethical behavior, and Kathy’s trademark quality: care and concern for others. The influence spreads. Things sprout, ideas are nurtured, and people hold on longer. Friends gather more often and with greater affection. Kathy is the campfire around which the pilgrims gather on the coldest night or the wildest celebration. What is that worth? What does that mean? Kathy’s gift is everyday life itself made straighter, smoother and more clearly marked. Every day is better because of Kathy. All of Kansas City is made better, and will be made better yet, because she made and then showed the way to so many.

CONCLUSION:
Our friend Judy MacDonald said she had an “Intense” marriage. I liked that term. We have an intense marriage. We love and live at the extremes sometimes. We demand so much of each other, and we use each other up at times. There is nobody I would rather be beside in a crisis. There is nobody I would rather be with to watch a great movie, go on vacation, cook a great meal for friends, grow flowers for, talk to when I am sad, be a keeper and forgiver of my failures, or to talk about our children with. We know the soft spots however, the weak links and the sore scabs that must not be picked. We are vulnerable to each other. After all these year we still can be wonderful (and sometimes challenging) enigmas to each other –taking delight in the new discovery or astounded by the different point of view. We delight and disappoint with intensity.

The light and gravity for our relationship also comes from Kathy. Intense love would have passed me by without Kathy. I would likely have dominated, or sunk into passive hostility in another relationship. I would not have grown - not been nurtured by light (or burned); held in check (or held to hard). Living in her light; living with her gravity, living in the real world she offers is not easy for me at times, but oh so much better than orbiting a lesser star. Living without Kathy would have kept me shallow and slow. Gold nuggets of love exist everywhere between us, but we still must dig to find them. The water of refreshment, rejuvenation and rebirth still flows, but the spigot must be turned on. The road not taken (the Great “WHAT IF”) is not completely unknown. Robert Frost said he took the road less traveled and it made all the difference. Jimmy Dunn took the road untraveled. There, in the wild, and in the wilderness of those early days, Jimmy Dunn needed what Kathy offered, and he still does today.

And that has made all the difference for me.